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My life, read it or dont.

2026 04 30

okay like everything is actually fine lmao. the trip wasnt aaaas fun as expected but ive seen two movies and had some ice cream. feeling well enough for my beloved alter to come out and play (u can tell shes writing this bc i dont talk like that HAHA) and its like? fine? my grandma wants me to do some yard work for her which will be nice bc i'll be able to make some extra cash... overall its really nice being unemployed actually! im really taking some time for myself to figure out whats best for me in like... every area of my life. theres been a ton of big unexpected life changes that have me.. concerned at least and spiraling at worst but i think the point this summer is to have a lot of fun and not worry too much about the future. to just live and let live yknow? the ep is coming along and i have a few producers interested. hopefully all will go well eventually!

2026 04 28

dog life really sucks. im too much and not enough all at once. but we persist. i havent been able to work on the site because ive was visiting a highschool friend in a different city. its really weird and strange the way people change when u arent looking. i think i have ehlers danlos syndrome. which is hard, because until two weeks ago i didnt consider there could be a name for whats wrong with me. and now that i know there is im coming to terms with the fact that nothing will ever really get better. i just have to try and not die. which is fine i guess. there is no accurate way to describe the sorrow im feeling. in other news dysphoria is still super bad and it doesnt show signs of stopping. whatever. ive been working on my ep and im on track to finsih lyrics by may. we'll see if it actually gets produced and whose vocals they use but im trying to pretend i dont care. im trying to pretend im better than guitar. because if im not im really nothing. faith said my writing is like bob dylan whcih is cool. bought dead ringers on blueray.

2026 04 22

im having a really rough time with dysphoria and just general existing... i think befriending even just one butch transfem would do wonders for me. i love my fellow tboys but everyone seems so concerned about the act of transitioning i need someone to talk to who understands the social pressure to conform to what others think gender should be. And tboys only want to be friends w u if ur the same breed of boy, at least in my fuckass city. i just dont want to be alone.
ive been listening to more mcr than usual, looking at gerards unconventional gender presentation eases something in me. i wish i had her fighting spirit. i wish i was brave.
anyway check this out i guess lol